4 words: hood of his car
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
