Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
