just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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