so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
