my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
