After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
