Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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