Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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