one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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