I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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