literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This baby is an asshole
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
