Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
