it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
