first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
