Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
