I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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