dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
