I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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