Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
