she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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