Umm I'm too high to move.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
