did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
