I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
