Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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