The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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