We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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