I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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