No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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