it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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