I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Maybe he injected his testicle?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
