im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
