Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
