tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The best revenge is premature balding
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
