That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Come on in and take your pants off
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