Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize