You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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