Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
