I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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