He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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