ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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