True but thats because hes a fetus.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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