I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
