So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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