I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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