he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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