Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
