What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
