i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
