just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
