Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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