Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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