i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
