also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
