i just google imaged poop.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
