Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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