He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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