the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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