can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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