I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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