Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize