I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
3 2 1 whiskey
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
