Just cropdusted the office
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
