bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
im drinking this country out of the recession.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
