Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
