i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
