And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
