People in love make me want to vomit
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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