shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
