I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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