so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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