id be glad to
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
