I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Mom said you looked used
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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