I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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