He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
