i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
