You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
