Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
