i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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