did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
