If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
