he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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