So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The air was thick with penises
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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