Just fell off a train. Bad.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
