Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
